Whether you're having a holiday brunch date with your Ride-or-Dies or enjoying a nice Holiday dinner with loved ones, this season will be filled with lots of emotions! Everyone, including you, wants to feel respected, happy, and loved during this time. The key to getting there is setting meaningful boundaries. The Importance of Boundaries Boundaries are the personal limits set within our relationships that allow for safe and appropriate connection with others AND the response when those limits are violated. Boundaries are determined by individual needs and preferences, so they vary from person to person and interaction to interaction depending on a number of factors including the level of trust and intimacy. Setting boundaries is the first step of self-care because it forces us to clearly define who we are and determine how valuable we are. It forces us to declare where our needs take precedence. Relationships with others can never be healthy if they require us to compromise ourselves. Boundaries warn us if we begin to compromise ourselves in spite of our feelings. If you are feeling uneasy with a person or angry toward a person, chances are you haven't set and kept clear boundaries to create an environment for maintaining a healthy relationship. Setting boundaries requires us to practice self-awareness. Once we are honest with ourselves about how we want people to treat us, we have to resolve not to accept any behaviors that step outside of our expectations. Once we make that determination, we begin respectful conversations with friends, partners, and colleagues about our feelings while letting them know what is acceptable. With shared understanding and agreement as the foundation, our relationships proceed on a much healthier and more fulfilling path. The last step to unlocking the power of setting boundaries is our responses when those boundaries are violated. Our boundaries lose all meaning if others can transgress them without consequence, so we make sure to have a plan in place to respond every time one of our boundaries is crossed. The exact nature of those consequences will vary depending on the offense and the relationship involved, but regardless every consequence is powerful because it is a statement that we matter and we demand our respect. We must be willing to allow those who are unwilling to meet that demand to live without the benefit of a relationship with us. Setting boundaries honors our needs and wants and provides us a framework for achieving the peaceful, affirming, and loving relationships we so richly deserve. Below is a video by Lisa Nichols on how to set and keep boundaries: I hope this email helps you live more authentically and give you the peace that you need to enjoy this week with your loved ones.
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January 2024
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